Twice in a month..

Well, that's a start, I guess. Normally after an initial entry I have already convinced myself it will be the first in a series of daily entries. However, I rarely make it past the first day, and then it's...perfection...is lost in my eyes, removing every sense of ambition and urgency to follow out my plan. I think this is a pattern for me with many things.. If an imperfect element is introduced, everything around it collapses. I used to think.. it would have been great to have a picture of myself every day since I was born, to see how I have changed over time.. to look at a sort of flip book someday, and marvel about it. But since that didn't happen, I become discouraged to start with it. That's just an example.. I can think of many. Running everyday starting January 1st. Oh shit- it is January 2nd, and I didn't run yesterday... well what's the point now? My perfect month has already been eliminated. This same problem with imperfection created a problem for me when I kept trying to quit smoking weed. What's it all about anyway. Does perfection matter that much anyway? I guess it always has to me, even though I clearly realize that achieving it is an impossibility. There is just something about a closed circle that makes me feel complete. A week of doing something for all seven days that allows me to take a deep breath after the last one. Yet.. it is an easy setup for failure.

I want to travel this year.. a lot. So I shall. And therefore I need money. Concordantly, I need to go to sleep so that I can wake up early and create the Matrix.

End of line.